 |
Web Hosting by Netfirms | Free Domain Names by Netfirms |
|
|
|
LUCIEN LETTERS
Dear Lucien,
My friend, it finally happened. I'd been sailing through the middle ground of life thus far and thought I could get by without making an exchange. But now I have to decide something so crucial it would mean giving up what I'd always dreamed of doing. While every fiber of logic tells me I have to give it up, I'm having difficulty feeling reconciled to it. Sleep has been fitful these past few days, but waking has been more than disturbing... I walk around with this inevitable 'choice' in my head, and I just can't bring myself to say 'it's going to be alright'.
I have shed my tears and put up a brave front. But I cannot find it in myself to bring in the dot perspective and say it won't matter when I'm eighty, because it will.
How can giving up your dream NOT matter when you're eighty?
As always I will leave out all the little details involved in these dilemmas I have, in keeping with our agreement to convey thoughts, NOT anecdotes. My thoughts are in storm, Lucien. I have never had to give up a dream that mattered, and I have never had to pay a price this high. I KNOW it must be done, but tell me how I will be able to live with myself after I do.
The ironic thing about it is that even if I do pay that price, it is not a guarantee that I will obtain what I seek in exchange. I'm purchasing a mere possibility. But not paying that price cannot be considered because it would foreclose that needed possibility altogether. And God knows, that possibility is the only thread left. I cannot afford to lose it.
I am heartsick and soulworn, Lucien. Wherever you are in the world, I need your voice of reason more than I ever have before. Please write soon. This angel has broken a wing and is afraid it will not heal without the solace and unquestioning understanding of a kindred spirit.
Fide.
Angel Fidelis